felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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