so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
