White coat. Heels.
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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