I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
