note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
