Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
