did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
