How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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