that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
