I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Two words: nipple clamps
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