Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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