I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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