I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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