We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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