Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
