porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
this boner is exhausting
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You're breaking my sexual little heart
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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