tell your sister to shave her snatch
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
