i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
