Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
