I'm gonna have a badass scar
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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