Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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