i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
