She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Life is so much better after having sex.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
