My sheets look like a crime scene.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
