The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
