I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
