420 ftw
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
