He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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