He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
