so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
