You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
