i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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