Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
