I could make wine with my vomit
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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