Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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