You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
