Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
