ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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