Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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