im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
