how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
