their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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