a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
