The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
