We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
