I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
