I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
