You can't special order awesome
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Randomize
