i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
This is my life. Enjoy the view
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
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