Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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