Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
