So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
