Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
you win again, gameday.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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