How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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