Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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