How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
