My pussy is not your playground.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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